Womb or Wife

Note: I wish he didn't use the term 'idiot' to describe this type of man. I've seen a number of them over the past 23 years. And I've seen their exhausted, on-the-verge of mental breakdown wives. I've seen their children jockeying for attention and acting out (at least when they get to be adults!) because acting out is the only way they can get individual attention. I have wept over the results I've seen in some (not all) families and the heartache and hardship that comes. I must say, it is not just the size of the family; it is the entire family dynamic. I know of families, godly, loving, gentle, generous ones with many children and what is written below does not apply to them. D & E Y. and their family is a shining example of how large families, under God, ought to be. So, please, I am not talking about such families.  

By Mark Driscoll

There is a certain kind of guy who really just needs to be taken to the woodshed by a good elder. And these idiots are dangerous. These idiots are guys who don’t really connect with a church, because no church is good enough for them. They have such legalistic-tight expectations, that no church really has good doctrine, like they demand. They’re neat-nicks, they’re nit-picks, they’re legalists, they’re religious guys. These are guys who tend not to make enough money, so their house is inadequate, and their car is inadequate, and their medical is inadequate, and the food is hard to come by, and they can’t afford a school for their children, so what they do is they lay all of this exceeding burden on their wife: “You need to be amorous, sexually available. The Bible says not to deny your husband. We shouldn’t use birth control because after all, we trust God. And I’m gonna get you pregnant, but I’m not gonna get you any babysitter or a decent home; I’m not gonna take care of your health or afford school. So, you gotta birth the kids at home without medical coverage, and in addition to that, you got to look after them all the time, and you got to run the home school for as many as we have, because I’m a legalistic idiot with a low income and a low IQ.”


 
And some idiots tend to think that somehow having children is like scoring points in an athletic event. And if they could just score and make more babies, somehow, they’re winning and they’re really holy guys. And some of these guys absolutely, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially destroy their wife, and oftentimes in the process of isolating them, because they’re not even connected to a decent church where the woman can get love and support.

 
As much as I am pro-life, and I am – as much as I am pro-family, and I am. As much as I love being a daddy, and I got five kids on earth and one in Heaven, and every one is a blessing, and I’m all about being a dad, I know that there are men who will hear this sermon that are pushing their wives into mental and/or physical, and/or spiritual breakage. And you need to look at your woman and not just see a womb, but see a wife. She doesn’t exist just to make babies, but to be loved as Christ loves the church. And to be a good husband and head means to love her, and to serve her, and to consider her, and to help her, and to comfort her, and to nourish her, and to speak with her, and to listen to her, and to come to agreement with her, and not to abuse her, because those verses you have are out of context.

 
I want to state this plainly, because I have seen the damage first hand, that idiots do to otherwise Godly women, who thinking that they are obeying and trusting the Lord, continue pressing forward until they break. That’s not what we want. That’s not what we want at all. I hope I’ve made my point. And if you’re a guy here who’s saying, “Are you talking about me?” Yes. You are the idiot of which I speak. And repent, and don’t be an idiot, and love your wife, and ask her how she’s doing. And if it’s not good, love her well. Serve her well. Don’t destroy her. Don’t destroy her in the name of blessing, because you are a curse.

 
Mark Driscoll Mars Hill Church

My Kids -- Your Kids!

A friend of mine once told me that "God speaks to me about my children; He doesn't speak to me about yours!" I have never forgotten it and have often been reminded of it when I see others trying to make rules for other parents.

Having said this (which I firmly believe!) I must also state that there probably are many things that one can see, think, believe, feel regarding another family's childrearing practices and not be sinning.

For example: My son-in-law and daughter have been wonderful in training their six children. I see sad examples in the church of behavior (especially during the worship service) that is shameful. I sit there, a bit proud and nose-in-the-airish, and think "Thank goodness, Ray and Aimee trained their children better than that." But I have often been chastised by the Holy Spirit for such thinking.

True, some of this behavior is due to a differing view on child rearing. Some is due to a complete lack of regard for others; some is due to exhaustion.

I wonder though do we have the right to make excuses for our children's poor behavior? I know that a two year old can sit quietly in church, I have seen it in my six grandchildren. I know that a child once out of diapers can go 'potty' before church and need not go again until the service is over, I have seen it in my six grandchildren. I know a child does not need a snack during church, I have seen it in my six grandchildren. I know a child doesn't need to bring the toy box to church in order to be amused during the worship service, I have seen it in my six grandchildren.

But I know this much: it is a tricky, even forboding, thing to make any attempt to correct anyone else's child . . . even if the kid is running loose during the church service. So we usually just leave well enough alone.

Maybe what we need to do is pray more for each family with little ones; come alongside the exhausted and overwhelmed. Maybe we need to have some sessions on parenting.  I'm not sure what all is necessary, but I am pretty sure the whole nose-in-the-air judgementalism is not the way to go!

Help us Lord to be as kind and patient with little ones as you were (and are). Help us to be helpful. Keep us from sinning against one of these little ones. Show us how to help overwhelmed parents. We need help, Lord Jesus.

I recently had the joy of hostessing our 2:42 group for an Indian dinner party. We enjoyed spicy dishes from the beautiful land of India and it was an interlude of calm and peaceful fellowship— a cheering time for us all.
I was refreshed from this event. And I also realized that apparently we do not fellowship nearly enough with our brothers and sisters in the faith. Dinner parties are one way to do that since the hurried chatting that occurs before and after church hardly qualifies for in-depth fellowship.

The better I get to know our little group the more blessed I feel to be a part of it. And knowing one another on a deeper level produces a longing to pray specifically and a camaraderie that the world knows nothing about.
Hospitality is the key.
And as my dear husband has often said, “It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, honey!” He says that because he knows that I do not have the gift of hospitality—teaching, administration, yes—hospitality no.

So why do I try so hard at this important duty? Because even in areas we are not gifted we must still practice that discipline. If I do not have the gift of mercy, does that mean I need not exercise mercy? I think not!
Hospitality is essential for the growth of love among the brethren. How can we meet the needs of and pray for our church family if we don’t even know them? And one more thing: loving hospitality doesn’t have a thing to do with your house; not one single thing.
When we were first married we lived in a tiny, 800 sq. ft. parsonage. Despite the size of our home we had some wonderful times of fellowship and though our fare was simple, our love was nurtured in those 800 sq. ft.
Hospitality was the key.
And because of our openness and their openness this group of folks (most have gone on to be with Jesus) remain very dear to us and we think and speak of them often. We were in every home and we were there frequently. And because of the extension of hospitality from and to us, we grew into a deeper love and appreciation for this little church body.
Hospitality was the key. It still is the key to long-lasting relationships.
So . . . come on in. Supper’s almost ready!

1000 Gifts

I hesitate to even mention this because as soon as one endorses a book every itsy bitsy section is critiqued and every crank comes out the woodwork to show their superior intellect, dissecting the work into uselessness. Well, I used to think I was an intellect, but God has pretty much cured me of that! So I am going to mention a book that has changed how I think and--dare I say--feel about things...lots of things.
One Thousand Gifts is Ann Voskamp’s journey from teeny weeny thanks giving to gigantic gratitude for ALL things God brings into her life. To sharpen her discovery of how much we have to be grateful for she decided to write in her journal one thousand gifts worthy of gratitude.
I’m almost at 300 on my list. And the more I find to be thankful about the more I am thankful. This attitude changes you and slowly you realize you are not only grateful, but you are filled with joy—deep down, soul-comforting, heart-softening, life-changing joy. For all, even the heart-crushing, breath-stealing sorrows of life.
Mrs. Voskamp found out, as I am finding out, that the thanksgiving and joy resulting from this exercise leave no place for anger, gossip, covetousness, mean-spiritedness, or any of the myriad icky feelings and actions common to man.
And we are found to be filled with so much gratitude to God for everything He brings/allows that even a whispered thanks is possible for the hurts and sorrows of life. Our God is good; He plans all things for good and for His glory.

I saw a trailer for an upcoming sitcom about parenthood. The scene shows an exasperated parent leaning over a crib in which wriggles a screaming infant.


The parent looks at the infant with confusion and vexation and says, “We are on your side! We are for you!” The point? These new parents are wondering why their little darling seems to be fighting them all the way.

I got to thinking about this and how true it is sometimes in relation to our loving heavenly Father. He says many times in His Word that He is on our side, He is for us. Why don’t we believe that?

It boils down to what EE says in Keep a Quiet Heart, “We simply do not believe God.”

He has repeatedly proven His trustworthiness, faithfulness, love and care. Still we live as though we don’t believe His goodness.

What is wrong with us?

I think it boils down to this: We are not intimate with our Savior; we are not practicing His presence; we are not trusting Him.

Dear Lord Jesus, for the sake of Your Glorious Name, help us to trust you with everything.

National Standards Mean National Tests!

This from Truth in American Education—The national standards movement raises grave concerns for private, religious, and homeschool families. These concerns: leads to national curriculum and national test; establishes uneven playing field (tests written from secular worldview perspective and college admissions based on national objectives); normalizes controversial societal issues (no biblical worldview to be sure!); threatens autonomy of homeschools (secular standardized tests and college admission policies); alters the accreditation process (again, national standards=national tests); and restricts parental involvement in children’s education (Am I being repetitive? Yes, national standards=national tests and means no local or parental control.). To read more on this go to: http://truthinamericaneducation.com  

Winter thoughts

I can understand why some folks during the days of the pioneers, went totally berserk during the winter months. Day after day on these flat, flat plains. Blowing snow, gargantuan snow drifts, decreased daylight, temperatures in the basement! Continual threats of spring flooding. Except for the latter, I loved it all when I was a kid.

So what has changed? I admit that the stark, white landscape has its own kind of beauty. I admit that those sundogs are breathtaking. And I freely admit that the clear, crisp air on a winter's night can be invigorating and seems to emphasize the brilliance of the stars. But ooh, the staggering cold, the cold. The having to be inside day after day. It begins to wear on a soul.

So what to do.

I made three afghans this winter, so far, but the best . . .

I decided to read through the entire Bible this winter (even the older testament books like Leviticus!). And I'm not reading it chronologically. I'm reading it as directed by thoughts I have, questions we have, subjects mentioned in S.S. class, pointed ouches from the pastor's sermons, etc. Guess what? I'm loving it.

The Psalms are beautiful, but then so is Lamentations (though a bit of a downer). Ruth filled me with gratitude for my earthly kinsman redeemer and my Heavenly One. Even the never-ending laws found in some of the books the older testament were worth the reread.

But you know what I love best? Every single word that our dear Lord Jesus said. Every one. I have been sneered at in the past for being a 'red-letter' Christian. It was an unkind and unfair remark because I have read and reread the older testament many times. But to read our Lord's words do more for me than anything found in the older testament. And, after all, all the fullness of the godhead dwelt in Him bodly. So if I know Him, I know His Father. If I ever practice well His command to love God with all my heart, soul, and mind, and love my neighbor as myself, then maybe I will move on to those hair-splitting, ivory-tower theological arguments.

Until then . . . I'm sticking with the basics . . . the Lord Jesus and His every word.

So when I look out my living room window at the miles and miles of white; when I hear the never-ending roar of the wind; or when I long for the first breath of spring, I pick up my Bible and begin to read.

Comfort, sweet comfort. In the midst of every storm.

You might want to try it.

A Century of Living

This past weekend my husband officiated at the funeral of a devout, loving man. God gave him 100 years of life on earth and in that time he lived "a slow, steady obediance in the same direction."

George D. was an amazing man, not in and of himself, but because of the manner in which he got out of the way and let God have His way.

When we were notified that he had gone on to be with Jesus, we couldn't help but feel envious. To be with Jesus, to behold His glory, to never, ever sin again! That is something worth envying.

George and Ann were like parents to us when we first moved to that tiny little parsonage northeast of nowhere. They loved us genuinely and generously. I can look around my home and see their love in the wooden handcrafted gifts they gave (made with skill and devotion): Bill's desk and matching file cabinet, our jewelry boxes, lovely wooden bowls, my sewing cabinet, and cutting board.

But the greatest gift, far outdistancing the lovely woodcrafts, was the long-term, devoted love they shared with one another, their family and us.

We will be grateful way on into eternity.

Snatched from R.C. Jr.

I found the following extremely convicting (and we homeschool!), yet it brought up images in my own life that are idolatrous. It was written some time ago and I ran across it by accident (I'm a Calvinist, nothing is by accident!) while I was cleaning out my library, desk, files, etc. in preparation for the upcoming legislative session. Funny the things you save...and find later. It is not reading for the faint of heart. And if you find yourself making excuses throughout the reading, well, then.....

Idols for Destruction
By R. C. Sproul, Jr.
I'm confident that many Christians have not slept well these last few nights. I suspect that tonight they won't do much better. Over the last several days, as I write, the stock market has not performed well. It has reached a five year low, having lost over forty percent of its value since its peak. It is not difficult to muster sympathy in these difficult economic times. Forty percent is rather much to lose, though only slightly more than half of seventy percent.

I lose sleep at night not because Christians have lost forty percent of their investments. I lose sleep at night because Christians are losing seventy percent of their children. They spend their days in institutions where Jesus doesn't matter. Seven hours a day, 180 days a year, Jesus doesn't matter. I am not surprised that when they graduate Jesus doesn't matter to them. The children of professing Christians who are schooled by the government are more likely than not to reject the faith. And we're worried about our stock portfolios.

Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount that where our treasure is, there will our hearts be as well (Matt. 6:21). Our treasure is in our treasure, rather than in our children. We lose our children by the millions, but only cry when we lose our millions. The Christian church is a willful band of idolaters. We send our wives off to work because we worship mammon. We send our children off to 'free' schools rather than private schools where Jesus is honored because we worship mammon. And we mourn at the death of our mammon, rather than the death of our children's souls.

Every time tragedy hits, Christians fall back on this same chestnut of wisdom--we pray that so and so will learn something important from all the suffering. My prayer is the same. My hope is that as God destroys the idols in His church, as He shows that He is almighty, rather than the almighty dollar, that His people will repent and turn to Him. My prayer is then that He might turn our hearts back to our children, that we might in turn raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. God could do this. Or, He could lead us into physical starvation, even as we have starved our own children of His Word.

The more likely scenario is this. Professing Christians will continue to cry out to Washington to be their savior. Washington will continue to fail. And some, a very few, but some will in their financial pain turn and repent. Narrow is the path of life, and wide is the way of destruction. Before you get on your knees, asking God to deliver us from financial calamity, confess your sins. Confess that all of us, even those who homeschool, value too much that which bears Caesar's image, and too little that which bears His image. Then, do not ask Him to fix your portfolio. Ask Him to help you invest in the only investment that bears dividends into eternity, your children.

Okay, okay, so leave a comment.

I have heard from some readers via other means of communication, but almost no comments on the blog. I admit it makes me think I may be wasting my time...and yet...well, let me know.

Scripture Means What It Says!

I grew up under the tutelage of an American Sunday School Union missionary. He believed every single word in the Scriptures and taught us unruly, uninterested and sometimes disruptive hoodlums that "All scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness...." Even during the years this little lambkin chose to go her own way, stumbling into dark, dark valleys and enduring incredible pain and regret, still the Good Shepherd reminded me often that His ways were best and that every word in the Scriptures was true.

Maybe that is why I have bumbled, stumbled and tripped over Romans 13. I knew this was written by Paul during the time of Nero's reign so I looked up on the Internet some horrifying truths about Nero's oversight of the fast-fading Roman Empire. It was information that I wish I didn't have in my head!

My point being: If Paul wrote Romans during the time of one of history's greatest reprobates then, well, then I guess it applies today, too. Nobody in their right mind could ever equate current leadership with Nero.

Romans 13:1-7
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience. For the same reason you also pay taxes, for the authorities are ministers of God attending to this very thing. Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed."

The passage says every person (every means ALL!), no authority (no means NONE!), instituted by God (by God, not the will of man!), God's servant (they are working for the Master whether they know it or not!), etc. It does not say that it applies only to good leaders. I have read the arguments from folks who believe that ungodly rulers lose the right to rule and therefore, we do not need to submit to them. Well, I wonder why Paul didn't include that, considering who was on the throne at the time.

As my pastor pointed out in a recent sermon, the reason we submit is twofold: because they are established by God and because the state will judge you, too. Also, we obey, submit for conscience' sake.

Perhaps the biggest impact of this sermon series has been the point made that the person who says, "The government can't tell me what to do!" is really a person filled with pride. It is pride that says nobody can tell me what to do, how to live, whether to obtain a marriage license, what speed to drive, whether to get a building permit, etc.

The bottom line of the sermon was that we obey to avoid trouble, and most importantly to honor God.

The raised, clenched fist, the subtle disobedience of driving over the speed limit, the constant fighting over my rights is not the sign of a humble, obedient heart. It is pride.

And pride is the root of all evils. Just ask the Evil One. How did his pride work out for him? A fallen troublemaker...still under the sovereignty of God, someday to be consigned to the abyss. Not much a future in store for him and his lackeys.

I'm actually much better at pride than at humility. But I would like to be humble (sometimes), but so far this is an ongoing, daily struggle.

I'd likely end up being proud of my humility.

Sometimes you just can't go back

This is a picture of the location of the house I grew up in. Those skeletal evergreens were planted by my mom back in the 60s.

Our house sat on a hill, set back from the highway and overlooking Devils Lake (the lake, not the town).

Sometimes we long to go back in time to a place or a moment when we were less burdened by the cares of the world. But sometimes, maybe even most of the time, you just can't go back. That is why control of the tongue is so essential to godly living. You cannot take back something once said. You can apologize, make amends or grieve over careless words, but you cannot take them back.

Careful, careful we must be in our speech. Even things said in silliness or jest can be hurtful. I have often prayed that the Lord would set a guard at my mouth, a watch on my tongue.

Because sometimes you just can't go back...