Head knowledge not enough

I have spent most of my life pretending I am intellectual. But the older I get the more I realize that smart isn't enough, in fact, it may be detrimental. I read alot, think alot, pray alot, but still seem to have a never-ending struggle with doing alot. Why is that?

Some would say that head knowledge (you know, scholars, deep thinkers, classically trained debaters, the intelligensia, and ivory-tower braniacs!) are the real deep Christians, the ones who know oodles of doctrine and church history (not that that is bad, it isn't). But when the disciples tried to shoo away the children Jesus reprimanded them and told them that 'of such is the kingdom of heaven' and that if they 'did not become as a little child' then their prospects for kingdom living were dim. Now why did Jesus say that? What about children are we to emulate? Is it their complete and, dare I say, naive faith? Is it that they trust without needing all the details or even fully understanding the claims or demands of the Christian life?

I think that for most of my life I have been hiding behind 'head knowledge' because 'heart knowledge' is what actually causes us to live a life of cross-bearing and self denial. I don't really like the whole idea of lugging painful burdens, like a cross, or of saying 'No!' to self over and over and over. Yet I know that if I want to be a disciple of my dear Lord Jesus then I must everyday deny myself, take up my cross and follow him. I have had some dark times in my life (often of my own making though that never makes the pain any less!) and during those times it has felt like just Jesus and me...and it was enough. He is enough. But we can be praising God everyday for the fact that He has placed us in families and families (even kind of dysfunctional ones) can make our journey so much sweeter and not nearly as frightening.

Since perfect love casts out fear and since God loves me perfectly I have no need to fear Him. He is the Gentle Shepherd that carries those with young in His bosom and tenderly guards His sheep. I have a loving family, but if I didn't, my Shepherd would be enough.

I think heart knowledge is what leads to adoration of our Lord. I think heart knowledge helps us to really live as those who esteem others better than themselves, as those who love their neighbors as themselves, as followers of Christ who deem it a privilege to see in every occurrence 'a chance to die' to self and live to Christ.

Truth is, if I DID even 1/10 of 1% of what I already KNOW to do, I would be very devout and pleasing to the Lord. For those who say there is nothing that we can do to garner God's blessing, I ask, then why is the newer testament full of imperatives for us? There are hundreds and hundreds of things we are to DO, simply because we are told to and because it brings peace to our souls and comfort to those both in and outside the fold.

I'm going to give the gaining of 'heart knowledge' a whirl. I really don't need anymore head knowledge, not at this point anyway. I admit to a certain fear about 'heart knowledge' as I have heard that it can be quite painful and often causes one to spend hours in prayer, days fasting, nights weeping and years toiling with others for the sake of His glorious Name.

Nevertheless, I'm going for it!