Loving Self?

Loving Self?

Living in a culture where self-respect, self-esteem and self-love are paramount to good 'mental health' has led to some pretty silly teaching and theology.

Such wrong teaching proclaims that self-love is something you must work at because it doesn't come naturally. The fat woman is obese because she doesn't love herself. The sexually promiscuous acts in foolish and evil ways because he doesn't love, respect and esteem himself. Addicts (pick one: drug, alcohol, gambling, pornography) behave in self-destructive ways because they haven't learned to love themselves. Even depression, sloth, greed, envy and hate have been made into lack of self-love issues by the American culture.

The Scriptures, however, teach just the opposite. Frequently Jesus is misquoted when He said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the Prophets. (Matt.22:37-40 ESV)

I have heard pastors preach on this passage and imply, sometimes outright state, that there are actually three commandments: love God, love your neighbor, love yourself. It is a lie. When Jesus said that all the law and the Prophets rested on two commands, He meant TWO. It was and is a given that man will love himself. And waaaay tooooo much!

Love of self is the very reason why cross bearing is so difficult. It is why we strain and complain against it. We love ourselves too much to be encumbered by burden dragging and bearing. And we beg to be released.

Generally the fat woman is carting around excess adipose because she loves herself too much to consistently say 'no' to self gratification and 'yes' to denial. The sexually promiscuous pursues physical pleasure because it IS pleasure, at least for a brief moment. Addicts of all kinds chase after their drug of choice because it gives them brief but dependable pleasure. They are not thinking 'This is bad for me. Good!'

If the obese hated themselves they would be glad they were fat! If the slothful hated themselves they would rejoice over the pig stye they live in. If the gambler hated himself he would be glad that his habit has cost him family, job and home. Why aren't they? Because they love themselves more than anything or anyone. They want to do what they want to do and they care not the cost. Such single mindedness is not self-hate, it is unhealthy love of self.

Jesus said that if we want to be His disciples we must every day deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. This leaves no room for pursuit of self-esteem.

The problem in our pleasure-drivien culture isn't that we are filled with self-loathing, it is that we love ourselves too much to practice self-denial. And this hurtful, anti-biblical philosophy is as prevalent in the church as it is in our secular culture.

It is a terrible failing of instruction by our Shepherds and it has led to a wide variety of false teaching. Our cross-walks may not mean health and wealth. It may mean poverty, ill health, rejection, loss of loved ones, chronic pain, or unrelenting sorrow.

As we instruct our children it is essential that we teach them about true love as Jesus taught. It is the kind of love that is willing to lay down our lives for another, willing to work unheralded, able to quietly suffer a wrong done to it, tolerate being misunderstood and willing to never, never fail.

Now abideth these three: faith, hope and love. But the very greatest of these is love.