The Why of It All

There are plenty of reasons for grandparents to downsize. Some want to see their loved ones possess and use many of the things that graced their homes for decades. Many would prefer to do away with the lawn mowing, garden tending and tree maintenance. Others want the freedom to travel and some just want to go south and avoid these nasty winters in the north.

Our downsizing was for completely different reasons. Leaving our home of more than twenty years, leaving our church family, our neighbors, jobs we loved, even our grocery store, dentist, doctor, optometrist and favorite eating places turned out to be more daunting than we anticipated. What could possibly cause us to take such a step at our age?

The answer was simple: We wanted to help our daughter and son-in-law in the discipling of their six children.

Being the parents of one child allowed us to make a decision to uproot and move. Our daughter and son-in-law breached the subject with us first. In fact, it hadn’t occurred to us to relocate to the eastern part of North Dakota. We thought we would have to make do with the seemingly infrequent trips to their home in the Red River Valley. However, God had different plans for us.
In August 2005 we left most of what was familiar and moved to a country location just 2 1/2 miles from the frequently flooding Red River of the North and about 25 minutes north of Fargo, N.D. We put a manufactured home on an existing farmstead. The children moved into a 1920s arts and crafts farm house. Our adventure had begun.

Living next door to grandparents used to be much more common. We have discovered in our new locale that there are quite a few rural acreages that have more than one generation in residence. For the elderly such a closeness to loved ones is very comforting and lends a sense of security. To the 'younger generation' the closeness can allow much more flexibility for the family as child care is readily available, it divides the work load and adds a deep sense of connectedness to both the young and old.

I did not have a close relationship with my grandparents. Neither did my husband. Both of us felt the lack as a true loss in the shaping of our own lives. We wanted to be able to help in the transmitting of our Christian values to our grandchildren. That cannot be done effectively from afar. The old adage that quality of time is more important than the quantity of time is a lie. Relationships take time, lots of time. Inculcating our dear ones with a Biblical worldview takes daily prayer, thought and action.

We had experience with developing a close relationship already with our two oldest grandchildren, Charlie and Alex, who spent a great deal of time with us during the first seven years of their lives. We did what we knew to do, trusting God to bring up the slack for our incompetence. We told them repeatedly that we loved them more than our own lives. They are now 17 and 15 and they are wonderful young men. We praise God for His continued work in their lives and for the deep, abiding, sacrificial love He has given us for them.

It is, after all, fully committed love and the consistent practice of virtues that will win the day in both home schooling and godly family life.

Four little sisters, Laura (6), Lily (3), and Emma and Anna (2) have been added to the mix. Each is a gift from God and we view them as our inheritance. We aspire to pass on to them a godly inheritance: a love for God that is all-encompassing, a desire to obey Him no matter the cost, and a longing to serve Him in all areas of life with undivided hearts. We walk a fine line at times because our methods and desired ends may differ somewhat from their parents. We have years of living, some godly, some ungodly, which gives us a generous repertoire of experiences to draw from in our relationships. We are learning how important it is to daily deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Jesus.

Elisabeth Elliot in Love Has a Price Tag writes, “It is a spiritual principle as far removed from what the world tells us as heaven is removed from hell: If you are willing to lose your life, you’ll find it. It is the principle expressed by John Keble in 1822:

If on our daily course our mind
Be set to hallow all we find,
New treasures still, of countless price,
God will provide for sacrifice.

Sacrifice. This is the trademark of intergenerational relationships. Sometimes the gulf between parent and child and grandparent and grandchild is wide, due simply to the expanse of generations. But the gulf can be bridged by sacrifice, committed love and the consistent practice of virtue. It is our goal as grandparents to be a help to our daughter and son-in-law, to add maturity to the relationships and to blend all our interactions with a committed love that sees beyond the years and into eternity.

It’s all in the why, you know. The why is for the sake of God’s glorious Name. The how may differ from family to family and from homeschool to homeschool, but the why is the nitty-gritty of the matter. We chose to downsize for an eternal reason and we can cheerfully take up the cross of what can sometimes seem as weary duty and march to the glorious tune of the angels as they sing the praises of our Sovereign Lord.

There was a man grown weary of putting rocks from pile A onto pile B and then moving them from pile B back to pile A. When he felt he could take no more of the senseless work he lay down on the ground and waited for the executioner’s hand to fall. Another prisoner sidled up to him, stooped and carefully etched in the dirt a cross. And Alexander Solzhenitsyn rose to his feet placing a rock from pile A onto pile B. A cross in the dirt.

The cross is always the crux of the matter. And committed love and the unending practice of godly virtues. Ah, sweet is a life that is well-lived and holy. We have a long way to go in the realm of holy living, but we believe that God has called us to this place, for this time, for these dear ones. And we rejoice.