Fibromyalgia!

Okay, okay! Enough whining about the weather. I'll whine about something else.

I recently received a diagnosis for a chronic host of symptoms I have endured for close to 20 years, maybe more now that I think of it. Fibromyalgia evidently really is a disease and not one made up to attach to whiners, malingerers and complainers.

I may certainly be a whiner and complainer but I have never been a malingerer. I love to be busy about my home. In fact, idleness irritates me, seems wasteful. Hence, though I love solitude, I'm not actually sitting on the sofa watching soaps and eating bon-bons. Others may have time to split hairs over theological this and that. They may have much more ivory-tower-time than I do to contemplate deep issues that, frankly, I'm probably just not interested in. I prefer action. In fact, that's something I've kind of noticed about some of the intellectuals in my life (not that I have a lot of them :>): they seem to think too much and act too little. You can spend hours delving into the theology of God's love, but if you don't actually exhibit it....well, you get my drift! You can urge the importance of hospitality on others, but if you don't practice it yourself, it's just a chasing after the wind.

It's not that I don't spend time in thought. I do. Actually quite a bit of time. But I have a list every morning that I try to work through every day. Sometimes I am not too successful. It irritates me to have physical restrictions placed on what I am able to do so maybe I am still at the stage of dealing with fibromyalgia where I am a bit perturbed by the whole thing and still thinking maybe it's my own fault. Maybe I just need to 'buck up'!

I really don't have time to think about it right now. I've got work to do.

Me-n-BB

Me-n-BB

Notice: We are smiling...you can see green leaves in background...healthily tanned skin...no heavy outer garments...it is summer and life is good!

Clouds....

Yah! How about this picture. Taken from my Ozark patio this past summer. I'm sure if I were a really astute homeschooler I would even be able to label this cloud type...oh well.

Anyway I'm thinking: blue sky, lawn chair, sound of splashing from the pool, cry of the Killdeer, slap, slap, slap at those nasty mosquitoes, and the never-ending breezes on my face.

DO NOT AWAKEN ME....

Okay, that's it!

Okay, that's it! This morning I woke up to temperatures that were 37.4 degrees BELOW zero. Henceforth, I am going to live in a haze of summer memories and I do NOT want anyone to disturb me!

Here's a field of my summer flowers that I am laying on my back in, looking at the blue sky and feeling the warmth of the sun on my face.

Please do not awaken me.....

Brrrrrrrrr!

It was 24 degrees below zero this morning! Ouch! Even so I'm about the happiest gal around. I have received my garden seeds and have begun plotting my garden. We moved from the Missouri Slope country about three years ago to the flat and fertile Red River Valley of the North. Well, to say the least, growing conditions are a lot different here and I am trying to get used to it. The soil 'back home' had to be enriched periodically and the garden always seemed to be needing water, but by the time we left our home of 25 years that little garden spot on north 11th street was rich and soft and easy to work! Coming to the valley was an eye-opener. The soil here is hard, hard, hard. There's generally no need to water and slope of the ground anywhere around here is only about 1 % so drainage is slow, slow, slow. The growing season is much shorter here. Back home I usually had my garden in by the 1st of May, the 10th at the latest. Around here....probably the end of May.

But the big plus here is this soil is incredibly rich! You can grow anything (at least anything I've tried!) and it will produce large crops. We have row upon row of canned goods to prove it.

The Why of It All

There are plenty of reasons for grandparents to downsize. Some want to see their loved ones possess and use many of the things that graced their homes for decades. Many would prefer to do away with the lawn mowing, garden tending and tree maintenance. Others want the freedom to travel and some just want to go south and avoid these nasty winters in the north.

Our downsizing was for completely different reasons. Leaving our home of more than twenty years, leaving our church family, our neighbors, jobs we loved, even our grocery store, dentist, doctor, optometrist and favorite eating places turned out to be more daunting than we anticipated. What could possibly cause us to take such a step at our age?

The answer was simple: We wanted to help our daughter and son-in-law in the discipling of their six children.

Being the parents of one child allowed us to make a decision to uproot and move. Our daughter and son-in-law breached the subject with us first. In fact, it hadn’t occurred to us to relocate to the eastern part of North Dakota. We thought we would have to make do with the seemingly infrequent trips to their home in the Red River Valley. However, God had different plans for us.
In August 2005 we left most of what was familiar and moved to a country location just 2 1/2 miles from the frequently flooding Red River of the North and about 25 minutes north of Fargo, N.D. We put a manufactured home on an existing farmstead. The children moved into a 1920s arts and crafts farm house. Our adventure had begun.

Living next door to grandparents used to be much more common. We have discovered in our new locale that there are quite a few rural acreages that have more than one generation in residence. For the elderly such a closeness to loved ones is very comforting and lends a sense of security. To the 'younger generation' the closeness can allow much more flexibility for the family as child care is readily available, it divides the work load and adds a deep sense of connectedness to both the young and old.

I did not have a close relationship with my grandparents. Neither did my husband. Both of us felt the lack as a true loss in the shaping of our own lives. We wanted to be able to help in the transmitting of our Christian values to our grandchildren. That cannot be done effectively from afar. The old adage that quality of time is more important than the quantity of time is a lie. Relationships take time, lots of time. Inculcating our dear ones with a Biblical worldview takes daily prayer, thought and action.

We had experience with developing a close relationship already with our two oldest grandchildren, Charlie and Alex, who spent a great deal of time with us during the first seven years of their lives. We did what we knew to do, trusting God to bring up the slack for our incompetence. We told them repeatedly that we loved them more than our own lives. They are now 17 and 15 and they are wonderful young men. We praise God for His continued work in their lives and for the deep, abiding, sacrificial love He has given us for them.

It is, after all, fully committed love and the consistent practice of virtues that will win the day in both home schooling and godly family life.

Four little sisters, Laura (6), Lily (3), and Emma and Anna (2) have been added to the mix. Each is a gift from God and we view them as our inheritance. We aspire to pass on to them a godly inheritance: a love for God that is all-encompassing, a desire to obey Him no matter the cost, and a longing to serve Him in all areas of life with undivided hearts. We walk a fine line at times because our methods and desired ends may differ somewhat from their parents. We have years of living, some godly, some ungodly, which gives us a generous repertoire of experiences to draw from in our relationships. We are learning how important it is to daily deny ourselves, take up our cross and follow Jesus.

Elisabeth Elliot in Love Has a Price Tag writes, “It is a spiritual principle as far removed from what the world tells us as heaven is removed from hell: If you are willing to lose your life, you’ll find it. It is the principle expressed by John Keble in 1822:

If on our daily course our mind
Be set to hallow all we find,
New treasures still, of countless price,
God will provide for sacrifice.

Sacrifice. This is the trademark of intergenerational relationships. Sometimes the gulf between parent and child and grandparent and grandchild is wide, due simply to the expanse of generations. But the gulf can be bridged by sacrifice, committed love and the consistent practice of virtue. It is our goal as grandparents to be a help to our daughter and son-in-law, to add maturity to the relationships and to blend all our interactions with a committed love that sees beyond the years and into eternity.

It’s all in the why, you know. The why is for the sake of God’s glorious Name. The how may differ from family to family and from homeschool to homeschool, but the why is the nitty-gritty of the matter. We chose to downsize for an eternal reason and we can cheerfully take up the cross of what can sometimes seem as weary duty and march to the glorious tune of the angels as they sing the praises of our Sovereign Lord.

There was a man grown weary of putting rocks from pile A onto pile B and then moving them from pile B back to pile A. When he felt he could take no more of the senseless work he lay down on the ground and waited for the executioner’s hand to fall. Another prisoner sidled up to him, stooped and carefully etched in the dirt a cross. And Alexander Solzhenitsyn rose to his feet placing a rock from pile A onto pile B. A cross in the dirt.

The cross is always the crux of the matter. And committed love and the unending practice of godly virtues. Ah, sweet is a life that is well-lived and holy. We have a long way to go in the realm of holy living, but we believe that God has called us to this place, for this time, for these dear ones. And we rejoice.

Quieting our souls before God

It's no secret that I consider Elisabeth Elliot one of the foremost Christian women in America. In my library are all the books she has written; some I have read repeatedly. She is wise and godly and mature in her faith; a role model for all women.

In Secure in the Everlasting Arms she lists principles to help us quiet our souls before God. They are:

• Go to God first. Kneel in silence. Lift up your heart and hands. Listen.
• Receive the Givens and the Not-Givens. "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure" (Psalm 16:5).
• In acceptance lies peace. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27)
• It is always possible to do the will of God.
• Do it now. "I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands" (Psalm 119:60).
• Love means sacrifice.
• Choose your attitude. "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who...made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant...He humbled himself" (Phil. 2:5, 7-8).
• Analyze your struggle. Is it merely delayed obedience?
• Give it all to Jesus.
• Do the next thing.
• Give thanks every day and for everything.

Heidi

I recently finished reading aloud to my youngest grandson, Alex, the sweet and gentle story of Heidi by Johanna Spyri. What a delightful book. Can you believe that I have almost reached the age of 60 without ever reading this classic!

To her friend Klara, Heidi says, "We ought to pray to the dear Lord every day. Then He will know that we do not forget that we receive everything from Him. If we do not receive what we would like, we must not think the dear Lord has not listened, and stop praying, but we must pray like this: 'Now I know, dear Lord, that You have something better in store, and I will be glad that You will be so good to me.'"

Out of the mouths of babes!

Election year......oh, brother!

This election campaign stuff is just the pits! Don't get me wrong; I love living in America and being part of a representative government. But sometimes I could just scream at the length of the campaigns, the lies and posturing, the undending fluff and stuff. If I wasn't absolutely positive that God is sovereign, I would be worried. But He is, therefore I am not.

My husband (BB) and I are reading aloud Bill Bennett's (another BB!) two-volume America The Last Best Hope. We didn't own volume one but only had volume 2 so we started there. What a fabulous history lesson. We have since purchased the first in the set and are now reading about the founding of America. If a young person read only these two volumes he/she would have a very good understanding about the history of America. It reads like a novel almost and brings history to life. We love it! (Got ours at Amazon.com for less!)

This is a picture of our pet dog, Maimee, and our pet alien. Cute!

I decided since we were in the midst of another blizzard, ground this time, that I would bring out the fake palm trees and pretend like it was summer. Life is good in America...

Yes, it's petunias in February. I brought this plant in last fall to save it from the frost and decided to just let it go dormant for a few months. A couple weeks ago I set it in the large south windows in our living room and lo, and behold! pretty soon there was tantalizing greenery and the next thing I knew it was covered with luscious white flowers. Sweet!

What do I like?

I like:

• 
  the smell of petunias on a warm, humid June evening.
  
• the feel of Emmy's little arms around my neck
  
• the sound of Laura (Lola) as she tries to smoothly play "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" on the keyboard
  
• the taste of salsa from Los Amigos in Bismarck
  
• the overwhelming fragrance of apple blossums from my Bismarck backyard
  
• the hum of flies and mosquitoes on a dry, windy August afternoon
  
• the satisfaction of a job well-done, even if nobody knows
  
• the sound of my daughter's voice
  
• the gentle purrrrr of my husband as he sleeps (he had a snorectomy a couple years ago, so he doesn't really snore anymore....YEAH!)
  
• the sound of the boys playing football in the front yard
  
• the sweet relief of laying down at night on my pillow-top bed
  
• the smell of fresh-baked banana bread
  
• the sense of accomplishment when I finish reading a really tedious book
  
• the sense of sadness when I finish reading a really GOOD book
  
• the sweet peace of knowing that underneath are the everlasting arms
  
• the assurance that God is in heaven, even if all is NOT well with the world
  
• the sound of my pressure cooker, hissing, on a day filled with corn, corn, corn
  
• the sight of Laura riding her bike down the driveway, head bent down to the handlebars, hair flying in the wind
  
• the gentle sound of Lily singing to herself or talking to her babies
  
• the picture of all 11 cats, nicely in a row, following Alex to the barn for their morning feeding
  
• the glory of knowing this life is not all there is...and that the best is yet to come!

Loving Self?

Loving Self?

Living in a culture where self-respect, self-esteem and self-love are paramount to good 'mental health' has led to some pretty silly teaching and theology.

Such wrong teaching proclaims that self-love is something you must work at because it doesn't come naturally. The fat woman is obese because she doesn't love herself. The sexually promiscuous acts in foolish and evil ways because he doesn't love, respect and esteem himself. Addicts (pick one: drug, alcohol, gambling, pornography) behave in self-destructive ways because they haven't learned to love themselves. Even depression, sloth, greed, envy and hate have been made into lack of self-love issues by the American culture.

The Scriptures, however, teach just the opposite. Frequently Jesus is misquoted when He said, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the law and the Prophets. (Matt.22:37-40 ESV)

I have heard pastors preach on this passage and imply, sometimes outright state, that there are actually three commandments: love God, love your neighbor, love yourself. It is a lie. When Jesus said that all the law and the Prophets rested on two commands, He meant TWO. It was and is a given that man will love himself. And waaaay tooooo much!

Love of self is the very reason why cross bearing is so difficult. It is why we strain and complain against it. We love ourselves too much to be encumbered by burden dragging and bearing. And we beg to be released.

Generally the fat woman is carting around excess adipose because she loves herself too much to consistently say 'no' to self gratification and 'yes' to denial. The sexually promiscuous pursues physical pleasure because it IS pleasure, at least for a brief moment. Addicts of all kinds chase after their drug of choice because it gives them brief but dependable pleasure. They are not thinking 'This is bad for me. Good!'

If the obese hated themselves they would be glad they were fat! If the slothful hated themselves they would rejoice over the pig stye they live in. If the gambler hated himself he would be glad that his habit has cost him family, job and home. Why aren't they? Because they love themselves more than anything or anyone. They want to do what they want to do and they care not the cost. Such single mindedness is not self-hate, it is unhealthy love of self.

Jesus said that if we want to be His disciples we must every day deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. This leaves no room for pursuit of self-esteem.

The problem in our pleasure-drivien culture isn't that we are filled with self-loathing, it is that we love ourselves too much to practice self-denial. And this hurtful, anti-biblical philosophy is as prevalent in the church as it is in our secular culture.

It is a terrible failing of instruction by our Shepherds and it has led to a wide variety of false teaching. Our cross-walks may not mean health and wealth. It may mean poverty, ill health, rejection, loss of loved ones, chronic pain, or unrelenting sorrow.

As we instruct our children it is essential that we teach them about true love as Jesus taught. It is the kind of love that is willing to lay down our lives for another, willing to work unheralded, able to quietly suffer a wrong done to it, tolerate being misunderstood and willing to never, never fail.

Now abideth these three: faith, hope and love. But the very greatest of these is love.

This is what I think of on another cold winter's day:

• the soft western zephyr on a late August afternoon
• the sound of thousands of frogs early in the spring...doing whatever frogs do
• the cry of killdeers shooing danger from their nests
• the distant hum of combines harvesting sunflowers
• the cacaphony of little bird voices on an early June morning
• the earthy smell of freshly turned soil in the garden
• the visible, shiny, slimy trails of way too many slugs
• the smell of fresh cucumbers being sliced for lunch
• the cinnamon fragrance of masses of nodding petunias

Okay....I'm wishing for summer.....no apologies!

This is our idea of sledding on the flat, flat land in the Red River Valley of the North. Someone gets on the 4-wheeler (in this case grandpa), Charlie sits on the back of the vehicle, Lily sits on Grandpa's lap and Alex, Laura and the dog ride on the sled behind.

Grandma has enough sense to just take pictures!

With a recent diagnosis, appropriate medication and a fun type of incentive, I think I am finally beginning to handle life 'on the farm.'

Sometimes I lay awake at night, actually lots of times I lay awake at night, and for months now I have begun praying around the U.S. I have a specific group in mind--a group I have been acquainted with through a national home school conference. So I usually start in California with Paul and Mary S., the couple I know there, and proceed up the 'left' coast. I then work my way across Idaho, Montana, North Dakota...well, you get the picture. I usually end up down in Georgia praying for Ken and MariJo P. It has helped me to use the awake hours more productively (it's a lot better than tossing and turning) and I have had the privilege of praying for long-distance friends. Sometimes I think that is exactly why God gives me so many sleepless nights. It also brings a peace and sweet contentment. I have awakened so many mornings now at around 3:30 a.m. that I think it is probably a divine appointment from here on out!