Note: I wish he didn't use the term 'idiot' to describe this type of man. I've seen a number of them over the past 23 years. And I've seen their exhausted, on-the-verge of mental breakdown wives. I've seen their children jockeying for attention and acting out (at least when they get to be adults!) because acting out is the only way they can get individual attention. I have wept over the results I've seen in some (not all) families and the heartache and hardship that comes. I must say, it is not just the size of the family; it is the entire family dynamic. I know of families, godly, loving, gentle, generous ones with many children and what is written below does not apply to them. D & E Y. and their family is a shining example of how large families, under God, ought to be. So, please, I am not talking about such families.
By Mark Driscoll
There is a certain kind of guy who really just needs to be taken to the woodshed by a good elder. And these idiots are dangerous. These idiots are guys who don’t really connect with a church, because no church is good enough for them. They have such legalistic-tight expectations, that no church really has good doctrine, like they demand. They’re neat-nicks, they’re nit-picks, they’re legalists, they’re religious guys. These are guys who tend not to make enough money, so their house is inadequate, and their car is inadequate, and their medical is inadequate, and the food is hard to come by, and they can’t afford a school for their children, so what they do is they lay all of this exceeding burden on their wife: “You need to be amorous, sexually available. The Bible says not to deny your husband. We shouldn’t use birth control because after all, we trust God. And I’m gonna get you pregnant, but I’m not gonna get you any babysitter or a decent home; I’m not gonna take care of your health or afford school. So, you gotta birth the kids at home without medical coverage, and in addition to that, you got to look after them all the time, and you got to run the home school for as many as we have, because I’m a legalistic idiot with a low income and a low IQ.”
And some idiots tend to think that somehow having children is like scoring points in an athletic event. And if they could just score and make more babies, somehow, they’re winning and they’re really holy guys. And some of these guys absolutely, emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially destroy their wife, and oftentimes in the process of isolating them, because they’re not even connected to a decent church where the woman can get love and support.
As much as I am pro-life, and I am – as much as I am pro-family, and I am. As much as I love being a daddy, and I got five kids on earth and one in Heaven, and every one is a blessing, and I’m all about being a dad, I know that there are men who will hear this sermon that are pushing their wives into mental and/or physical, and/or spiritual breakage. And you need to look at your woman and not just see a womb, but see a wife. She doesn’t exist just to make babies, but to be loved as Christ loves the church. And to be a good husband and head means to love her, and to serve her, and to consider her, and to help her, and to comfort her, and to nourish her, and to speak with her, and to listen to her, and to come to agreement with her, and not to abuse her, because those verses you have are out of context.
I want to state this plainly, because I have seen the damage first hand, that idiots do to otherwise Godly women, who thinking that they are obeying and trusting the Lord, continue pressing forward until they break. That’s not what we want. That’s not what we want at all. I hope I’ve made my point. And if you’re a guy here who’s saying, “Are you talking about me?” Yes. You are the idiot of which I speak. And repent, and don’t be an idiot, and love your wife, and ask her how she’s doing. And if it’s not good, love her well. Serve her well. Don’t destroy her. Don’t destroy her in the name of blessing, because you are a curse.
Mark Driscoll Mars Hill Church
